Instead of seeing their behavior as an attack on you, you may view it as a reaction to their overwhelmed nervous system. This does not mean they are incapable of developing new responses but, in the meantime, this knowledge may help to reframe their actions. When you understand how trauma affects the nervous system, you realize that these kinds of responses are sometimes outside of your partner’s control.
It is a delicate situation, but the good news is there is hope for healing.Įducate yourself and your partner on traumaĪll of the information above is essential for developing compassion for your partner. Expressing this can further increase their sense of being threatened, which can often reinforce the trauma.
You may not realize what triggers your partner and, as a result, you may assume they are acting irrationally. What is especially confusing is that these states can be entered without warning, in situations that you might perceive as neutral and non-threatening. Substance use (to further disengage and avoid pain).Stonewalling (not addressing concerns, refusal to engage).Difficulty focusing or remembering details.Depression (oversleeping, disinterest in activities).Disengagement (shutting down in conversation, appearing uninterested, silence).The body becomes deactivated, listless, and numb as it attempts to conserve its resources and avoid feelings of pain. In the freeze state, a very different response occurs. Violence directed at self or others (screaming, hitting, verbal attacks, throwing things, suicidal behaviors/threats).Misperceptions (expressing distrust, making negative assumptions).Appearing overwhelmed (sobbing, shaking).Aggression (raising voice, physically acting out, escalating in conflict).Here are some indicators that your partner may be in fight and flight: In this state, your partner may suddenly feel keyed up and incredibly overwhelmed inside. In fight and flight, the body becomes highly activated, releasing a surge of energy designed to help an individual escape or attack a threat. This means that at some point you will likely see your partner enter survival states, such as fight and flight and/or freeze. when the trauma gets triggered), their body and brain will respond the way it did at the time of the original trauma. Because of this, when they are later reminded of the traumatic event in some way (i.e. When someone is considered traumatized by an experience, it means that the intense emotions from the event are essentially stuck in their nervous system. However, these states may also prevent us from being able to emotionally process what is happening. In the midst of a traumatic event, our bodies go into survival states that help us to cope. any event that renders an individual or group powerless.being the target of racism and/or discrimination.
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The term trauma refers to intense emotional and psychological distress associated with an event or a series of events. To respond to your partner’s trauma, it is important to first understand the nature of their experience. Here are some ways to begin to help your partner and understand trauma and relationships better. If this sounds a bit like your experience, not to fear! There are ways to become a trauma-informed and compassionate partner while also maintaining your own boundaries and safety within the relationship. This can cause conflict and miscommunication, and it can make it difficult for well-intended partners to know what kind of support to provide. Because trauma can interrupt emotional processing, those who have experienced trauma often struggle to articulate what is really going on inside of them. For instance, they may escalate quickly to anger, express distrust, experience panic attacks, or become disengaged. In many cases, individuals who experience trauma may behave in ways that are hard for their partner to understand. Being in a relationship with someone who has a trauma history can be uniquely challenging at times.